lessons

Well, it's been 5 months now since my little bean came into the world, and I couldn't help reflecting on some of the things I have learnt in such a short space of time. As a childcare worker, I felt pretty confident in my abilities to change nappies etc. Of course, nothing prepares you for the sleep deprivation, the frustration at not understanding why the baby is crying, and the endless advice and comments that you get from everyone from friends to complete strangers. But still, I felt that I had managed to navigate my way through it. But last night, as I laid in bed trying to relax( it takes me a while, now), I couldn't help but think over some of the bigger changes that have occurred since entering the so called sacred society of parenthood. So here are the 5 lessons that I came up with:

1.Sacrifice
As a Christian, I thought I had a pretty thorough understanding of the meaning of sacrifice. It's kind of a main theme in the bible, and I thought I had it down pat. But I quickly realised that I had a pretty shallow understanding of the idea, and a baby in the house is one of the quickest ways to learn about it. When you have this tiny, helpless creature absolutely dependant on you, many things come second, or even a hundredth place. I remember when the bean was about 3 weeks old and we just had one of those really bad days where he cried and cried for no apparently obvious reason and nothing that my husband or I could do stopped it. All that you can think of is STOP THE CRYING NOW. So, sleeping, eating, getting dressed, even brushing my hair did not happen that day. It took me a long time to accept and to adjust to the idea that my own needs/wants were second place. It's a lesson I'm still learning, and although I would like to think I am improving, I know there are days when it's two steps forward and three steps back!

2. Patience.
I am not the world's most patient person. I have always struggled in this area, except for when it comes to finishing a painting or a drawing ( then I have all of the patience in the world). But, a baby kind of changes that.  You can't rush a baby. If they don't want to sleep/feed/stop crying, then not much is going to persuade them to think otherwise. So, you find yourself at 3am rocking the baby and walking around the room singing lullabies ( and pretty much any other tune that pops into your head) for a good 2 hours. then, just when he has finally gone to sleep, the garbage men come along and the noise wakes the baby. sigh. So you start again...

3.Gratitude
I generally think of myself as a thankful person (see first post) so didn't really think I needed to be taught this one. But, no i was wrong. With a baby, you find yourself overwhelmingly thankful for even the tiniest of things - someone holding a door for you, the baby sleeping for longer than usual, someone not stating the obvious (as in 'you have vomit cascading down your shirt' or 'wow, your baby is really small. is he ok?'). So many people have helped in so many ways, and it's very humbling.

4. Confidence
I have never been a very confident person - I'm quite introverted and sometimes simple tasks can overwhelm me, whereas more complicated ones don't. But, when you become a parent, suddenly you have to make many decisions and you don't have the time to think them over. You worry that even the smallest thing could turn out to be the worst thing for your child. So, you have to learn to trust yourself a little bit more than you normally would. As a childhood worker, I used to say to many parents "oh, it's OK to make mistakes - it's natural. As long as you learn from it and show your child your intentions you will be fine!" To those parents - I'm sorry and I will never say it again. Promise.

5.Forgiveness
In this I mean forgiving yourself as well as others. It's very easy to beat yourself up over mistakes and miscommunication and to become overwrought with guilt/shame. I've become a lot better at letting things go. Before, when I would forgive someone, i would accept there apology, but it would take me a long time to let it go and to forget it. But now that I live in 'baby time', I have learnt to live more in the moment and to take (and survive!)each day as it comes. So I don't have room to mull over what was said and done but rather just accept it and be grateful for getting this far.

A short word

I love words. A long time ago, I used to collect dictionaries and thesauruses. I thought that by collecting old dictionaries i would discover old and forgotten words and somehow bring them back into vogue. Alas, this did not happen. I liked the idea of collecting unusual words as well, and filled notebooks with them (sadly, I can no longer find them). I still have a few dictionaries ( 5 to be exact) but they rarely get used, except for the odd scrabble game. But somehow, I can't bring myself to throw them away. recently, we moved house, and as a result, got rid of many books that we no longer used or wanted. But I still could not part with the dictionaries.

I like to flick through them occasionally, picking random pages. At uni, I used to procrastinate from assignments by playing a game. You randomly pick a page, and take the first word, then a second page and the second word and so forth until you have 10 words to make a sentence with. for example: expeditious, northern, confidently, twirls,shamefaced, galore, velvet, snub, pig, wedding. So, an expeditious northern pig twirls around confidently in a velvet galore dress, only to snub a shamefaced groom at his wedding. Doesn't make much sense, does it? It was a great form of procrastination as it took a lot of time to craft the sentence plus as I was studying creative writing, I convinced myself that I was actually doing some work!
so I was wondering, what do other people do (other than facebook, e-mail etc) to procrastinate from doing something boring but necessary? And does anyone else collect words?

the first post

It's always the hardest thing to do - begin. Where to start? What to say? How to say it? Whether it be a blank canvas, a piece of paper or a letter, it's always hard to know how to get the ball rolling. Especially if you are a bit rusty - it's been awhile since i've sat down and put my thoughts and ideas out there.
So maybe i will begin with an explaination of the blog title and see where it goes. Now, "everyday joy" may sound like a cute little title, something you might find on a Japanese notebook cover or the title to a self help book. But it does have a story, and it is because of this story that i chose it as a title.
Most of my life i have had mild depression. There have been times when it has become even more than mild. But about 5 years ago i hit rock bottom. There was no one particular reason. I just lost the will to live and life had absolutely no colour in it. Thanks to prayer, some very supportive friends and a helpful GP i was able to climb out of it. But i felt very weak - almost like i had to relearn everything. I prayed to God that he would help me to find joy again - every day. God has more than answered that request. Since then i met the love of my life and married him and we now have a beautiful healthy boy who is 4 months old. I have changed jobs and have made new friends and have had many fun times with them.
But it doesn't always have to be something big. It can be something as simple as a random conversation with a stranger on a bus or watching a butterfly whilst sitting in the garden. At the end of every day i think over what has been a joy, and even though it might not have been a great day, i can always find something that makes me smile and be happy to be alive. Indeed, it says in Proverbs 17:22 that a joyful heart is good medicine. 


Even in the midst of suffering and pain, i have been able to find some joy. Early last year i suffered from a miscarriage early on in a much longed for pregnancy. Yet during this time my husband was gentle and kind and held me up and gave me a reason to get up every day. He understood exactly what i needed. He made me smile and laugh even though i was upset and angry and disappointed. Wonderful friends sent lovely cards and chocolate and were willing to listen if needed. So i was able to get through what could have been a potentially very difficult time.
One of my favourite passages in the bible is this : "The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all of his bones; not one of them is broken. Psalm 34:18-20. There is a joy in knowing that God is holding me up and always has, and that he understands.